Lengthy posts excite me. It's not that I have all the time in the world to read. It's the idea of slipping into someone's mind and seeking what he really wants to point out in every paragraph that interests me. Today I'm going to slip into my own mind, pour my thoughts into this entry as I have never done before.
For weeks or even months, I have been trying my best to hold back and keep most of what I feel to myself. I have learned to censor caustic thoughts, because by nature, people around me are sensitive. It's a sardonic fact however, that they tend to act insensate when they talk and act, as if my feelings were of no use. Still, I talk less. I have always believed that the greatest of problems are those fought within oneself. These battles, when prevailed, bring the most out of an individual.
There is beauty in inaudibility. In silence, an individual can deliver a sharp pang of emotion to people. It is different from conceding. It's knowing that within yourself, you're winning. Silence oftentimes bars one from hearing the other half of stories, then again, I believe it is only an imperative to give the full details to people who are duly involved. If people talk against you, if people mistrust you and condescend you, the best weapon that can shield you is silence.
Notwithstanding the fact that silence is important, it is also necessary to speak up every once in a while, particularly if certain circumstances have exhausted all patience and tolerance you have.
Today I will break my silence in the most civilized way that I know. I will speak not because I want to purgate myself of all these thoughts, but because I want to protect the remaining traces of integrity I am slowly being deprived of and reputation that now, only a few people know.