Saturday, January 9, 2010

Insomnia and Emotional Outpour

I think I have been silent for a long time. I don't have anything to hide. I just couldn't find out how I'm supposed to say it. It's as if an autobiography would be written but it would take more than a hundred pages. To some people, it might get pretty boring. To some, it may even be insignificant. To me, it's vital. I guess I have been silent for two long.

Pano ba ako magsisimula. Hindi ko din alam. Magsisimula palang akong magtype, naiiyak na ako. Pero, sabi nga nila, may mga bagay na kelangan kang gawin. Obligasyon, responsibilidad, desisyon, paninindigan, anu pa ba ang mga bagay na dapat kong gawin. Ah, kabilang dun ang magsulat.

Just this evening while I was writing this post and I looked at this site, which I'd rather not show here, and I changed my stat into this:

Swarm. This blog keeps on ringing in my head like a broken record in a dim-lit bar for hopeless romantic, lonely people. His words are like vodka--bittersweet, fragrant and nostalgic. Speaking of which, I think I'd like to have a tall glass of one tonight. Sigh.

...and I had a talk with a former workmate and I told her:

Looking back at those posts makes me feel loved before, and unloved now.

I guess I couldn't really move on. There, I said it. I can never move on. I miss everything. I can think of A LOT of things that I could remember now.

1. UST--where i spent a week
2. DOTa
3. Isaw and Balunbalunan at Quiapo
4. Lester's Dorm
5. The DVDs
6. The bus rides from manila to laguna
7. Carmen Homes
8. The classrooms
9. Writing notes to each other
10. Collecting and saving receipts
11. PLM
12. Intramuros
13. Timezone
14. Collecting Keychains
15. Watching movies
16. Porksilog and the extra rice
17. Taking care of a drunk man
18. Taking care of a sick man
19. Sleeping in the bus
20. Pretending to listen in a lecture when you just want to touch someone's hand
21. Pretending to go to class when you will just go somewhere else
22. Playing tekken
23. PSP games
24. Going to different places
25. His sister
26. Listening to his music
27. Watching videos he downloaded
28. Watching tv series
29. Drinking with our common friends
30. Laughing with our common friends
31. Conversations about political, social and intellectual views
32. Meiji Chocolates
33. Cleaning someone's room
34. Saying "I told you so"
35. Telling him a lot of things that he never listens to, but he smiles and he makes you feel that you were wrong in nagging at him.
36. Walking out at him
37. Writing him letters
38. his letters
39. Cutting classes
40. Bringing food
41. Doing projects with him
42. Crying with him
43. Laughing at him
44. Laughing with him
45. Slipping in front of him and him laughing at my clumsiness
46. Him, slipping somewhere and me pretending that I didn't see it
47. Trying hard to learn korean with him
48. Looking at his profile and getting so mad about girls posting crap on his profile
49. Stalking him
50. Listening to his radio programs
51. Going out with him somewhere, anywhere
52. Getting drunk with him
53. Smiling at him
54. Watching saw with him
55. Looking at the sunset of intramuros
56. Kissing his lips
57. My hand on his chest
58. His hand on mine
59. His tshirts and how he used to wear them
60. His lines
61. His gluttony
62. His cards
63. Not speaking with him and suddenly laughing at how and why we didn't speak
64. National Bookstore
65. SM Manila
66. Ortigas
67. Ringlish
68. Garnet Road
69. Banchetto
70. Celebrating 12.
71. Waiting for him and smirking when he's late
72. Seeing him wait for me when I'm late
73. His words "You're late."
74. Tsk tsk tsk.
75. Being paranoid.
76. Understanding why we fought
77. Realizing we were both wrong
78. Laughing at our mistakes and moving forward
79. Pretending we don't know what's wrong
80. Listening to the used, and other bands perceived as emo by others
81. Singing "under pressure"
82. Counting Volkswagen cars
83. Losing against him and sometimes telling him "I love it when I win."
84. Playing badminton
85. Eating donuts and calamares wherever
86. Feeling the urge to give up but realized I never wanted to
87. Realizing I was right all along
88. Playing Ikariam, Travian and other browser games
89. Looking at him over his shoulder as he played his games
90. Fixing his hair after he takes his bath.
91. Singing the queen of my heart by westlife no matter how cheesy it sounded
92. Smiling in the jeepney and crying in the bathroom
93. Fighting for what we knew was right
94. Realizing we were right in fighting
95. Singing with him.
96. Understanding him even if he doesn't want to be understood
97. Waiting for him to speak out even if he doesn't
98. Smiling at the thought of him
99. Realizing that everyday's okay because it always ends up with him.
100. Telling him i love him is i guess the sweetest thing i can do for him.

I can think of a million reasons more. But these are flooding my head now.


  1. The title of your entry reminds me of this song. I love this song very much. I hope you listen to the song and enjoy it.

    We have also the Korean version of this song.

  2. i love the one hundred things you wrote! if this is a picture of love, then it must be so great to have! i think i won't get lost in finding a similar picture. thanks for the ideas.. haha